How I am currently spending my time off...

When I first graduated last June, having not been accepted to PA school, I was dreading the prospect of having a year off.  After all, it was in the middle of my PLAN (you know, the absolutely perfect, nothing will EVER destroy this, everything will go according to it plan?).  I had always just thought that I would go straight to grad. school after college, and never even thought about taking a break.  When all of that changed, I was not happy.  I had previously been a person that was adamantly against change.  And I really hated not going back to school in the fall, and not having a set structure to my day. 

Now that I've been accepted, I can fully appreciate the time that I have off, and realize how good it was for me to not get in the first time, because I really needed time for myself and to pursue things other than school.  It gave me time to rest and recouperate, and appreciate what gifts learning and education really are.

And, in addition to appreciating stuff, I am certainly occupying my time with nothing of importance or value, except to my sanity.  For the first time in forever, I am able to turn on the TV at night, flip through the channels, and find the worst, absolutely corny, tasteless, or mindless television show, and sit through an entire episode without worrying about homework or the exam I have to take tomorrow (unless, of course, it's Thursday, when I have a standing engagement with ABC for Grey's Anatomy...it's the only show I really watched during college, and always made sure my homework was done before the episode started).  I have also read a good chunk of the books I bought but never got around to reading during college, although the pile is still quite voluminous, and it will take me a great while to get through them.  I am just happy I have time to read again.  I have time to sleep in, make a real breakfast, enjoy cooking, reading the magazines that come in the mail, and really plan for the things that I will need to have in order come June. 

That is all...off to do something of no particular value, except to my sanity.  I don't know quite what that is yet, but will find out when I settle on whatever it is.

Excitement turned into frustration

When I was first accepted into PA school, I was absolutely ecstatic!  I couldn't believe that I was finally there, after all of the hard work and worry that I had invested into this goal.  Although I am still quite ecstatic, the predominant feeling that I am now feeling is frustration and worry about everything related to starting grad. school, such as filling out financial aid forms, finding a safe apartment that does not break my budget, and finding the money to make the deposit for my apartment, buy my medical supplies and textbooks, and other stuff.

When I was getting ready to attend college, I don't remember it ever being this difficult.  When I got accepted, I deposited and that was it...I packed up my stuff and moved into my dorm, and started college.  But everything I have to do and the timing of everything for PA school is so much different, and it's just not making the noton that I will be attending grad. school any more exciting or fun.  I can only hope that everything will fall into place for the start of classes.

Worries about being out of my element

I was just now thinking about how every time I begin a new phase in my education, I worry about being out of my element and not knowing what I am doing there.  When I left high school, I had graduated salutatorian and was part of the group at the very top of intellectual and extracurricular achievement.  But when I entered my first Introductory Biology class at DU, I was suddenly humbled and taken aback by the achievements of the other pre-meds in my class.  Seriously, some of these kids had done cancer research internships with their spare time during high school.  I was suddenly no longer at the top, but in the middle of a bunch of some really smart people.  But, as the quarter waged on, I settled into my niche and realized that I could definitely tackle college academics.  I ended up graduating with honors, and again, left near the top of achievement in the bio. dept.

Now, I am only four and a half months away from starting PA school, and I find myself worrying again about no longer being able to find my footing and being out of my element.  I am so insanely excited about starting school, and finally being at the stage in my education where I am learning about how to practice medicine, but at the same time, I am scared s***less.  I worry about not remembering the stuff I learned in undergrad, being able to master the complexities of Gross Anatomy or Pharmacology, and learning to find that balance between academia and time for myself that I found during undergrad.

Just some thoughts as I sit here finishing the last of my acceptance paperwork and battle some insomnia....